Navigating Closet Grief: Embracing Change in Your Wardrobe
When I first sat down to write about “closet grief,” the phrase that popped into my mind was “Good Grief, Charlie Brown!” This classic Peanuts character is known for his cautious optimism, despite being quite unlucky and always adorned in the same outfit — a yellow shirt with a jagged black stripe across it, black shorts, and brown shoes. In fact, all of the Peanuts characters wore the same outfits — consistently, predictably. It's a stark contrast to our own experiences, where fashion trends, personal style preferences, conditioning, advertising, social media, and body image can make dressing ourselves an evolving challenge.
As spring cleaning ensues, many people are inspired to declutter closets and reevaluate wardrobes. If you’ve ever done this, you know it can be more than just deciding what clothes to keep or donate—it can also be an emotional journey. Memories, emotions, and even a sense of loss might surface as you let go of pieces that once held significance.
This post is entitled “Closet Grief” for a reason. Maybe, if you are anything like me, cleaning your closet brings up a host of sensations, images, feelings, thoughts (SIFTs), memories, and visions for how you would like to be, look, and dress. It acknowledges the emotional weight that comes with sorting through clothes that may no longer fit, literally or metaphorically. But it also opens the door to reflecting on your evolving relationship with your body and your style. Can you consider these SIFTs as feedback and reframe your experience as data, with you as the curious subject? Consider where you have been, where you are now, and how you want to relate to your body and sense of style.
A lot to think about for sure. Consider the following points as you navigate this process:
Reflect on Fashion Rules
Think about the fashion rules you’ve been taught, like “no white until after Memorial Day,” “avoid horizontal stripes,” or “no mini skirts after age 40.” What do these rules actually mean, where did they come from, and do they serve you? Perhaps it’s time to “catch, challenge, and change” these rules and give yourself permission to dress in a way that aligns with your current identity and values.
Clothing is a powerful medium for self-expression. When our body changes and these clothes no longer fit, it can feel like a loss of self. This grief is about the disconnect between how we wish to present ourselves and the reality of the options available to us. Consider how your clothes represent your identity. What new forms of expression can you explore through your current wardrobe?
Corseting or Freeing?
Body image and embodiment expert Niva Piran has developed a model that uses a spectrum from “corseting” (restrictive) to “freeing” (empowering) to identify risk factors for eating and body image disorders. Might it also be a useful construct to employ when cleaning out your closet? As you assess your wardrobe, ask yourself if your clothes make you feel confined or liberated. Are they designed to restrict movement and conform to societal expectations, or do they allow you to express your individuality and move freely?
Reflect on History
Certain clothing pieces carry memories, memorializing specific moments from our past. A shirt, skirt, pants, etc., may not be just a piece of fabric; it’s a tactile memory of times that have passed. When we no longer fit into these garments, it can feel like we’re not just losing clothes but also parting with a segment of our lives. Reflect on the loss of connection to our own history. What memories are tied to your most cherished clothing pieces? How do these items symbolize past periods of life?
Emotions and Intentions
Take note of the emotions your clothes evoke. Do certain pieces trigger negative feelings about your body, while others boost your confidence? Consider what you like or dislike about each item. Is it texture, color, or fit? What is the intention behind each outfit, shirt, pant, etc., you choose to wear?
Sizing
Many people struggle with the numbers on clothing labels. Do you hold on to clothes that are too small or too big, hoping they might fit again someday? It’s worth exploring the root of these feelings. Does it serve your current relationship with your body? Do you get hung up on the number, or keep clothes that are too small or too big? Letting go of clothes that no longer fit forces us to confront the reality of our bodies versus fantasies of a thinner body. This grief is about dispelling the illusion and appreciating what our bodies offer here and now.
Could honing in on clothes that fit and styles that make you feel good, freer, and closer to yourself be one way to practice the Intuitive Eating principle: Respect your here-and-now body? What dreams are attached to your clothing pieces? How can you fulfill these aspirations in a way that celebrates your current body?
A mindful approach to dressing and shopping can transform your experience. Instead of focusing on the size or how you look in the mirror, try the “feel test.” Put on a clothing item and draw attention to how you feel. What do you feel, and where in the body? What do you like or dislike? The feel, texture, neckline, fit, style, color, fabric? What do you notice? Can you take time to notice what feels right without judgment?
Embracing Nuance and Self-Discovery
Like all relationships, your relationship with clothing is personal and unique. It might involve quirks, caveats, vulnerabilities, and a quest to “fit in.” Embrace the nuance, and let it guide your choices. As you clean out your closet, remember that this process can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and growth.
Did you know that spring cleaning your closet could offer such profound insights?
By taking the time to consider the points of reflection above, you may turn “closet grief” into a chance to embrace your evolving style. Ultimately, your closet is yours to shape and define. And in that case, perhaps take a moment to ponder Lucy's character—confident, strong, and positive. She is self-assured and grounded in her iconic outfit, which consists of a light blue dress paired with black and white Oxfords...and, of course, her football!
If this blog resonated with you, consider reaching out for support on your journey to food and body image healing. At CV Wellbeing, our team of HAES (Health at Every Size) non-diet dietitians is here to help you embrace your body, improve your relationship with food, and cultivate a healthier, happier you. Schedule a consultation today and start your path to wellness and self-acceptance.